I.

When it rains for days 

it’s easy to pretend 

I live somewhere else

the world is only gray and green

and black dots where the crows fly

it’s too cold to leave the backdoor open 

so I can’t listen 

to the drips of rain 

and the wind in the leaves 

and the crows almost always calling

II.

A large family of crows 

lives in the eucalyptus grove 

at the top of my street

I know a family of crows is called a murder

but I don’t want to call them that

beyond the grove is the 280 freeway 

the constant shush of cars 

sounds like the ocean 

if you pretend to hold a seashell 

up to your ear 

III. 

Sometimes you hear the crows

before you see them

sometimes they chatter with each other

hidden in the trees

or else they call out 

like a crack or an alarm 

IV.

I read that crows are very smart

they are able to remember someone’s kind face

or a mean one

they remember you if you bring them food 

or say hello

I am trying to befriend the crows

in my neighborhood 

so they bring me gifts and shiny stuff

I see them watching me

when I garden or walk to BART

V.

I have seen the video of the lucky little girl

who befriended her neighborhood crows

feeding them fresh water and peanuts

and now they bring her gifts

she’s a meticulous archivist, the little girl

all her presents from the birds stored in a clear plastic box 

with compartments for sorting buttons or sequins or beads

these are the gifts the birds bring her

plus small smooth rocks

bits of jewelry and metal

a washer and a screw

a bent paperclip and a marble

I’m jealous of that little girl

her patience and pure heart

VI.

I google a crow’s favorite food 

crows will eat almost anything 

one website says in a pinch even vomit (1)

though mostly they like nuts and berries

maybe an anchovy or two

VII.

I tell my coworker about how busy I’ve been

all the meals I’ve been cooking

all the pots and pans I’ve been cleaning

my fingertips split and sore 

from soapy water

but the birds are well fed and always cooing

although the work is arduous

I am glowing with purpose 

I’m surprised by my coworker’s reaction 

her eyebrows give away her disapproval

she explains to me 

in areas where there’s lots of crows 

there are few hawks

something about competing for food

I can’t remember all the details now

just the disdain in her woven eyebrows 

VIII. 

A hawk is subtle

only a whistle sometimes

they are graceful and dangerous

finding their feathers is good luck

but you should never look a hawk in the eye

it makes them too self-conscious

IX.

One time you and I heard the shriek of a hawk

in the parking lot of Stonestown Galleria

I said, there a hawk! 

on the roof!

when you spot another perched on a light pole

two! 

hawks!

communicating!

we watch one hawk plummet to the asphalt 

while the other hawk watches 

I watch a crowd gathering

the crowd watches the hawk swooping down

close to the ground

where it catches a pigeon

and flies back up 

onto the ledge of the roof

I didn’t see the hawk

grab the pigeon with its talons

you told me that

I was watching the crowd

however afterwards I heard clearly 

the snapping

of tendons and muscles 

as the hawk shredded into it

I watch the frenzy of pigeon feathers 

float slowly to the ground 

the hawk finishes eating 

and the crowd disperses

a mall security guard comes over 

with a broom and dustpan

and he sweeps up all the pigeon feathers 

X.

I stop feeding the crows

maybe I’ll toss them a peanut 

or a pistachio or a cashew 

but I no longer prepare elaborate breakfasts and dinners for them

or liver and onions and baked alaska for their birthdays

their squawks grow hungry and desperate

when they caw quickly, twice in a row

it forms the syllables of my name 

XI.

When my friends ask about the birds

I explain to them about the hawks, the food chain 

and they understand 

but all of it makes me feel sad again for the crows

the sight of a hawk feels like a blessing

but a crow?

in a pinch even vomit

XII.

Moira asks me have you ever heard my crow call?

she closes her eyes and stretches her neck

the sound comes up from her diaphragm 

but catches in her throat 

and then she does it

she caws 

like only a crow could

there is movement around the bar

people are turning their heads 

they are looking around for a bird

and I blink away tears

XIII.

Before the eucalyptus grove begins

there’s a little piece of land 

that doesn’t belong to anyone 

there’s a sign there that says 

NO DUMPING KEEP CALIFORNIA BEAUTIFUL

but usually there’s junk dumped there

I don’t remember why but I had to wake up very early

it is cold and I need to catch the next train 

someone cut the grass the day before

making it easy for the crows 

to find some snails and worms 

at the top of a telephone pole 

sits a hawk

watching the empty lot

the street is so quiet and the hawk 

turns one eye

to peer down at me 

but I look away

because it’s best to give a hawk its privacy 

1. Fonte, A. “How to Make Friends With Crows.” PetHelpful. 18 June 2020. pethelpful.com/wildlife/How-to-Make-Friends-with-Crows

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